so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
