he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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