hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
