I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
