And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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