thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
