Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
