I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
