you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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