opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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