We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
