All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
