he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
