im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you traded sex for a burrito?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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