At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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