Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
