I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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