I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
