The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
