im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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