Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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