he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
