the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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