Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
