You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
