I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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