shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
