I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
