i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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