saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
