hotel room ftw
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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