The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
