Whatcha textin bout Willis?
that's an acceptable place to lick
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
