I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
