Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
