You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
