saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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