I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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