I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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