3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
