Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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