I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
