That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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