Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
