So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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