I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
