I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
