last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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