DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
