All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
