wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
a search helicopter?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
