dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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