Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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