3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
