Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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