Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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