ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
