Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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