I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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