Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
