Sry I called you an 8
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
