Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
