tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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