So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
