we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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